I’ve been called many things, most of which are incorrect assessments of my character and cause me to conclude I’m just misunderstood. Two such statements I hear repeatedly are 1) I’m bourgeois (or rather the friendly folks that describe me as such can’t spell, much less pronounce, the word which results in them using the Ebonic euphemism “sadiddy”) and 2) I’m an arrogant a—hole. The former I understand, to a degree, especially when I think back to situations when I’ve been asked to go to Chili’s for dinner and I remark, “Chili’s was my cuisine of choice in my college years; I’ve since graduated…as should you…from eating that foolishness…” The latter I can’t be held accountable for considering certain females decide to mutter statements like, “You act like you’re God’s gift to women…” which opens the door for my sarcastic (as far as you know) and equally ridiculous retort, “Not God’s gift to women; just His gift to you.”
I won’t pretend there isn’t a bit of truth to either characterization but I will say I find it extremely entertaining to play into the persona particularly around persons that vehemently argue the merits of their charge.
It’s all in good fun…
…until someone makes the following statement: “You’re <so> spoiled!”
Although I admit it far less than I should, and fail to address it as directly as I could, I would like to openly say, that is one of the easiest ways to piss me the heck off! And you want to know why I get upset? “Tell ‘em why you mad son…tell ‘em why you mad…”
Because anyone that makes that statement whether with the direct intent, or in ignorance, demeans me into a brat; as if they don’t respect my hustle or are suggesting anything I’ve attained I obtained undeservingly. Say what?!? I know…I can’t believe it either.
Discounting the fact some delusional dames somehow determine dinner requests, or any request for that matter, which they fulfill are synonymous with “someone being spoiled”, there are those that for whatever reason hold fast to the notion that I am in fact spoiled.
Let me spend a few minutes discussing exactly why I dismiss these distressed damsels.
Typically, statements from this brand of female are based on a set of selective memories which include everything they have ever done for me (what they consider ‘spoiling’) but conveniently forget anything resembling reciprocity or even better still feel as if my actions are in fact requirements which neither warrant their respect or recognition because that’s what a “man’s supposed to do”.
Of course I have an interesting life experience I’m going to share to illustrate…
Allons-y!
I dated a young lady for a minute, a few seconds longer than I should have but shorter than I wanted (let that marinate momentarily…), who didn’t live on her own and as such would find herself over at my apartment about twice a week. She would arrive with dinner either purchased or prepared (she would leave work, go home, cook, and then deliver it with a smile which I agree was very sweet and thoughtful). If I wanted to see her on a particular day, she would make every effort to come over and spend the night, have to wake up earlier than usual to drive back across town as she lived and worked a ways from where I lived. On weekends I would take her out to a new restaurant, or favourite restaurant, a movie, a comedy show, or accompany her to an event I wasn’t interested in but knew she wanted to attend. I thought nothing of it; that’s what couple’s do for one another…right?
It wasn’t until the we sat in my car one day chit chatting about someone else calling me spoiled to which she agreed, that things started to go south. I pushed the conversation further and asked how/why she thought I was spoiled. She attempted to dodge the question, I continued to press until finally she relented and listed items like coming over to see me when I wanted, bringing me dinner, and other commonplace (in my opinion) relationship acts as her justification for the statement.
So I attempted to flip the script and ask if she felt I spoiled her and the DSM-IV dame responded, “No.” Yes, I just called her a DSM-IV dame because what other logical explanation is there for her thinking dinner or quality time equated being spoiled but any act on my part didn’t?
I just shook my head and let it go because I learned long ago, although my stubborn and sometimes hotheaded self tends not to adhere to this known fact, in a relationship as a man you can either be right or you can be happy…never both.
Of course I called my committee (a handful of close friends and family I confide in) and went OFF saying something along the lines of, “This crazy heffa right here has the nerve to say I’m spoiled because she comes over – hell she doesn’t live alone so does she expect me to go over to her place to spend the night?!? – and brings me a $10 dinner twice a week? And then she compounds the crime by, without hesitation, answering no when I ask her ‘So when I take you out to eat or anywhere for that matter and you never pay, am I spoiling you’?”
Granted, none of what I described I did should be considered out of the ordinary. Similarly, I don’t feel that anything I mentioned she did should be considered being spoiled, which is precisely my premise. But of course there’s probably a female reading this shaking her head thinking based on the facts presented, I was, or am, spoiled. To that female I say, “kick rocks…barefoot…and take your certifiably crazy and single self somewhere with that BS!” Yeah, I just made that connection…and the only reason why you’d be annoyed by it is because it’s true…mmm hmm!
Serenity Now!
Separating those relationship type scenarios, I am seriously bothered by the fact someway somehow people agree with the statement, although no one has ever provided me any concrete evidence to corroborate, or rather support, the claim. I’m not from a family of privilege, I struggled to pay my way through school, I worked to make it where I am, and continue to work to get to where I want to be. I make bold requests of people and attempt to charm my way into getting what I want but I don’t think there’s anything I have or have received in life that was unwarranted or undeserved.
Yet some ardently argue I’m spoiled…how?
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