“This is the song that never ends, yes it just goes on and on my friend.Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends…”
Do you understand how annoying that song is?!?I mean not even Puff Daddy/Puffy/Puff/P. Diddy/Diddy (or whatever the hell his name is this year), could remix this song to make it less annoying.Even still, as annoying as his name changes are, Sean Combs made some of the best remixes like:
That was my JAM!!!
Wait a minute, could Diddy remix this song and make it a hit?
Let’s see what a Bad Boy remix of the never ending song would sound like:
*You know we had to do a remix right?*…This is the song that never ends…*Bad Boy baby*…yes it goes on and on my friend…*take that take that*…some people started singing it not knowing what it was…*I like that right there*…and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…*uh huh, yeah*
Ain’t this about a monkey’s mayday; that STILL sounds as annoying as Chris Bosh’s alien faces look disturbing!
As irritating as that song is, I would much rather sing the un-remixed version than having a circular conversation with someone where the same thing is said repeatedly, yet somehow you each expect a different result.Doesn’t that sound like the definition of insanity?
I’m a person that doesn’t back down from many arguments which is to my own detriment when dealing with dimwits who decide to engage in a discussion that gives the eerie feeling of déjà vu.
Admittedly, I’ve found myself in this circumstance countless times and in the process, have developed a sure fire way to escape this scenario.It goes a little something like this…
Pick a vague phrase and make it your automatic response to everything they say.Mine for the week is, “Therein lies the reason why…”
I’ll bet you any sum of your own money it will:
1.Confuse – they’ll be wondering what in the world you’re talking about;
2.Amuse – watch how quickly the person gets pissed off;and
3.Defuse – in a matter of minutes the person will grow so frustrated they’ll end the conversation.
SHA-ZAM!
Don’t say I never taught you anything.Go forth and conquer Daniel son.
Although something I’ve long known, a few days ago a conversation reinforced the age old concept of staying true to you and doing what you do, regardless of naysayers.Why?You simply can’t please everyone and there will always be someone who has something to say.
Sometimes that someone perhaps is a peer or could potentially be ‘yo partna’; a person you expect to know you better.
Please peruse the post, if you have not done so already.
In essence, my hombre decided to say he didn’t understand the way I put my next girl out there as I compared her to the ex. o_O
I can’t even tell a story without someone’s sensitivities being stirred up?!?Well ain’t this about a monkey’s mayday!
I’m not going to waste time defending anything I said or attempting to re-paint the picture in a polite way; I prefer to think the piece was polished enough so the real message portrayed.But as was obviously not the case for at least one party, I’m seeing more and more the need to tune out critics as critiquing will always be their specialty regardless if there’s anything that warrants commenting.
I went back and forth for a few with the friend until we agreed to disagree and I told him, “Maybe you don’t need to read my blog”…or in the words of Jay, “If you don’t like my lyrics, you can press fast forward”.
“If you’re trying to please everyone, then you’re not going to make anything that is honestly yours, I don’t think, in the long run.” –Viggo Mortensen
“I think we need some time apart…it’s not me, it’s you!”
I imagined uttering these words about a week or so ago but hesitated as my brand of honesty isn’t always well received.
I’m told I’m too brash…or did she say crass?Only she knows and obviously cares because I sure as hell didn’t…and you want to know why?Because I’m one bold mutha— *shut yo mouth* Brutha!
I know at least one person reading this is saying, “Here HE goes…” but fret not, this won’t be a testimonial of telling it like it is. Rather, it will be a depiction of the dance dudes and dames daintily do around ‘da truf’!
Say the damsel (or dude for you ladies) you’re dating disappoints, an asinine acquaintance annoys, or a change in career is considered, but in order to bring a conclusion to the union, clear communication is called for.
And yet what do most people do?They sugar coat sh*t so sensitive souls don’t feel slighted.They accomplish this by telling the significant other, “I think we need some time apart…it’s not you, it’s me…”, or merely avoid phone calls from the asinine friend claiming “I’ve been really busy lately”, or give the impression to the employer a sabbatical is needed to deal with personal matters.All in the name of what, being politically correct?!?
You better, “tell the truth and shame the devil” or better still, “Say it with your chest!”
Ladies and gentlemen, this is meant to be short and sweet and get to the point…and what was the point?I was just about to tell you until you interrupted me.
Excuse me?Where were we?
Ah yes…
There is nothing more cowardly than avoiding giving it to somebody straight, no chaser.By no means am I suggesting a war of words where you attack someone with whom you’re wanting to draw a conclusion to the union; I’m merely recommending being honest enough to give the true reason for you leaving.
Although often times a confrontation will ensue as the other party inevitably feels spurned, it will bring closure, rather than confusion, to the cessation of your relation; an eventual appreciation for the manner in which the termination was handled…honestly.
“Honesty: The best of all the lost arts” – Mark Twain
I walked into the room, girlfriend on my arm, smiling…she was cute and I was debonair; it was a beautiful day.We arrived at the celebration with everyone in a festive mood, laughing, dancing, and enjoying some good food.I looked forward to a good night, and all the elements were there right?
The host, a close family friend, pulled me aside, me hesitating to leave my lovely lady lonely, eventually walked away and asked, “What’s up?”He asks, “Is that your new girl?”I smiled while looking in her direction and said, “Yes.”He responded with, “Oh…”
“Oh”?!?
Have you ever walked into a store with purpose determined to buy something without hesitating expecting the sliding doors to open when you’re less than two feet away and then come to an abrupt halt as the doors fail to slide open in time for you to walk through?Neither have I (or at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!).But as you can imagine, all that momentum you had was turned on you and you’re damn well stopped in your tracks dazed and confused wondering what the hell just happened!
That feeling right there is exactly what I felt.Let me learn you right quick: There is no quicker way to f--- up a fella’s feelings for a female than his friend(s) saying some f---ery like that!
Then the fool (yes, he went from family friend to fool friggin’ fast!) walks away to have fun at his celebration.When I tell you that pissed me off, I mean it PISSED me off to high hell!And because he had to host his little shindig, he couldn’t talk.Please believe the lady and I left a short time after (within 40 minutes) with her confused beyond belief since moments before we were all smiles.
The anger festered for a few days until the fool decided to return my call.He wanted to chit chat like everything was all copasetic, asking how my day was, how work was, etc.
There are a few things that annoy me more than this but this ranks right up there in the Top Ten of things to piss me off to high hell; wanting to exchange pleasantries for a few minutes when there’s an obvious issue that needs to be addressed.My response to him sums up my feelings around that situation and similar situations: “This ain’t sex, f--- foreplay! Let’s get to the issue at hand; what the f--- did you mean by ‘Oh…’ man?”
Essentially, he summed it up like this: If you break up with a girl and start dating a new girl, you need to step up, not down.
That’s nowhere near as poignant a phrase as I thought it was years ago but damnit, those could have been the words of a pastor preaching from the pulpit or a philosophical phrase by Plato himself; it was that deep to me!
In reality, it wasn’t deep at all. Superficial is the better term because for all intents and purposes, the new girlfriend was in fact a step up…except…aesthetically. Aesthetics, however, were all that mattered during that point in my life.
Shortly after that conversation, I found a picture the ex and I had taken a year or so earlier.I compared it to a picture of the next, or rather new, girlfriend and I held them side by side; the relationship was destined for disaster from that day forward.
More than just a focus on aesthetics (for all those thinking I’m shallow and somewhat stupid) the underlying issue was one of being stuck on the irrelevant allowing that to influence the present.
<<fast forward>> a few years…
In every intimate interaction since that “Oh…” moment, I always find myself dwelling on the good aspects of a relationship gone awry which only serves as a distracter.The thoughts range from how the ex cooked my favourite meal just the way I liked it, how she delivered dinner after a long day at work, how we spent the 4th of July, how her summer dress fell ever so delicately over her curves, or how she responded to my touch in just the right way…all of these thoughts while making every effort to establish a new relationship…and all while fully coming to the realization the last relationship ended, as it needed to.
Whether an inherent character flaw to live in the past or an inevitable inability to not compare the ex to the next, take my advice and do as I say rather than I’ve done; do not be the one to clutch onto the past so tightly, you are unable to embrace the present. ‡
Cheers!
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‡paraphrased based on the following quotation: “You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” – Jan Gildewell
I personally think “R” (pronounced “Ah-rah”) is a musical maestro; my modern day MJ!
Few people agree with the latter part of that statement and a couple of years ago one friend in particular suggested “You’ve got to be seriouslystupid to say such a thing!”I was a little offended by the remark because I would have expected that friend to know me a little better than to think I would make a statement of that magnitude without any serious thought behind it.
I’m not suggesting “R” and MJ are on par musically; I do think, however, “R” over the past couple of decades was/is as iconic within the genre of R&B as MJ was to Pop pre-1990.There is no other solo male R&B artist who over the past 2 decades can touch “R’s” repertoire!
Then…the fool decided to release the ‘Untitled’ album and piss all over my promotion of him…not sure why I was surprised since it wasn’t the first time he’s pissed on someone but hey…
On that album is the track ‘Text Me’ and the opening lines, and chorus, of the song as written above are, as my friend said about me, “…seriouslystupid”!Who the heck sits home alone, sipping on Patron, asking a female to text him something freaky?At least get said freak to your home, have her pour the Patron, so you two can do a lot more than ‘texting’ playa!I’m just saying…
More importantly, why in the world is he ‘texting’ (I abhor the use of that term)?What happened to good ol’ fashion phone sex?!?I don’t know nuffin’ ‘bout dat right thurr but I heard from my cousin’s best friend’s baby daddy’s sister…
Pick up the phone and just call!I don’t know why folks are so caught up with sending text messages (yes that is the proper written form when discussing the act of ‘texting’).What happened to social interaction; you know socializing, seeing someone, hearing their voice and actually communicating?!?
Damned if I know, but…
I found myself at a wedding yesterday sitting next to an unofficial-ex‡ who was to my immediate left, and was called out by her father, who was seated to my immediate right, who said in his Ghanaian accented English, “Ey, is that an addiction?” as he watched me pull out my Blackberry multiple times to send and respond to text messages, IM’s, and BBM’s.One of the obvious reasons I kept pulling out my Blackberry was because it was, shall we say, awkward and I wanted to appear busy so I wasn’t just sitting in silence at the table.In full disclosure, I knew I was going to be sitting at the same table with the ex and her family, although I attempted to orchestrate a change in the seating arrangement, and was initially okay with that (the ex and I have remained cordial over the years and the bride was a mutual friend).The awkwardness, however, was heightened by the fact the ex and I got into an argument a week or so prior to the wedding.I was therefore visibly annoyed with her which meant faking the funk with her family wasn’t quite that easy.
The fundamental issue her and I struggle with has been, and continues to be, communication.Within the argument, she said something along the lines of, “I swear you’re going to get engaged through text message” which I thought was a silly statement.
To her point, I do recognize I text/BBM/instant message a lot.Nevertheless, I firmly believe she’s stretching the truth, diverting attention from the real dilemma, and attempting to use a scapegoat especially considering 7+ years ago, in one cell phone billing cycle, I spent more than 7,000+ minutes on the phone with her.Yes, we used to talk for hours on end about absolutely nothing, fall asleep on the phone, and wake up hours later to continue talking.
“Back in the day when I was young I’m not a kid anymore but some days I still wish I was a kid again…”Those were the days I tell you; young love.**Not to mention, they don’t make cell phone batteries like they used to. **
That was way too much talking and I think I was all talked out after that…which probably explains why the following month I surpassed 10,000+ text messages in one billing cycle.
I used to text message so much I would sit at work, or in class, with my Motorola Razr under my desk, without looking at the screen or using T-9 (I used to think T-9 was foolishness until a friend actually explained how to use the feature and my world changed), compose a full message within seconds, and send it without worry of any grammatical errors.I was a G!
But in all seriousness, the fundamental switch that has taken place in the form, and medium, of communication over the past few years I find amazing, and at times troubling.I find myself often times automatically choosing to text message, BBM, or initiate a Google Chat with someone far more frequently than picking up the phone and calling them to have an actual conversation.When you throw Facebook or Twitter in the mix, the dynamic is drastically different than it was a decade ago.
It hit me shortly after the wedding and in thinking of the following recent situation…
I attended an event last Wednesday and a young lady I didn’t speak directly to followed me on Twitter on Thursday.We’ve since exchanged countless DM’s via Twitter in dialogue about where we’re from, what we each do for a living, what we’ve been doing the past couple of days, and sharing a few “LOL’s”, but I have yet to hear her voice on the phone…heck, I didn’t even bother asking for her number.Who does that in 2011?!?
Things in the game done changed.
Lucky for me, “R” restored himself and released an album where the opening lyrics of the first song are:
“Did you get my call?
Did you read my love letter?”
Now that’s good music right there!
I, or rather we, need to take it back, take it waaaay back to when we used to call one another or, dare I say, write actual letters (that we mailed using a post office) to one another.
Therefore, this is the challenge I extend to those reading this post (and obviously myself): Don’t “Text me back”, I would much rather you called and we communicated.
Cheers!
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‡We never officially dated or were never an exclusive couple although we entertained each other’s emotions.
