Serenity Now!!!

Me: “I need you to do me a favor.”

Friend: “What’s up?”

Me: “I need you to deposit $350 into my Bank of America account.  There isn’t a BoA in Louisville…”

Friend: “I’m at work so give me about an hour.”‡

Me: “…and to transfer the money from my ING account it will take 2 days for it to go through.”

Me: “Okay. Do you still have my information?”

Friend: “No, go ahead and re-send it.”

Me: “Cool.  Thanks.  You’ll get it back by Friday.  I’ll give you a call later to discuss further.”

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The exchange above was a text message conversation that took place in early October 2008 between a good friend and I. 

I found myself living in Louisville, KY for a few months during the latter part of 2008 and apparently “Lu-vo” (Louisville residents will vehemently argue attempting to convince you they are correct in their pronunciation of their beloved city – so of course it was my duty to stress it was “Loo-wee-ville” or to really annoy them, “Lewis-ville”) doesn’t have a Bank of America.  **Americans need to get it together and have only a handful of banks with branches in every city (notice I didn’t say largest city in the state) instead of this mom & pop banking system currently in place.**

I made the request because earlier that day a different friend asked for the exact same sum of money. My hands were somewhat tied as I was stuck in Louisville without a Bank of America and a two day delay hindering my ability to access the funds in another account.  I knew, however, if I was in a situation and needed someone to come through, there was at least one person I could count on.  Isn’t that what friends are for?  Correctomundo!

While many use the term ‘friend’ very loosely to describe anything from colleague to coitus companion, for me it boils down to one question: Can I depend on you? I don’t need you to financially front me $400 to prove you’re a friend, but I do need to know I can depend on you.  The same rules apply to me; no double standard here.  Maybe I’m a little idealistic, or some might even suggest I’m possibly naïve, but I would like to believe all friendships should be so modeled; with the confidence that regardless of the circumstance, you can consistently count on that person.  Whether to ramble on about nothing, talk about something personal you’re going through, accompany you to the newest restaurant or movie, come through in the clutch, and so on and so forth, all of which transcend the bare minimum of common courtesy and consideration, that’s what friends are for!

Now, I’m idealistic, not an idiot, so please don’t embarrass yourself by sending me a text message asking for money.  I also recognize it’s unfortunately a cold, cold world with rare instances of the type of friendship described above.  These days, individuals barely exercise enough common sense or common courtesy to maintain that kind of friendship.  You don’t believe me or think I’m exaggerating?  Well, 1) that sounds like a personal problem, and 2) I’ll give you a clear example.  Allons-y!

I have a particular female friend who peaks my pet peeve list, frustrates the flying frog fruelen (who cares if that’s not a real word; I was on a role) out of me, and honestly pisses me off to high hell habitually!  The prime problem is she’s completely clueless to, what I feel are, common courtesies required for any type of civilized social interaction.  Forget phoning <her as> a friend if I wanted to be a millionaire, or sending a text message asking for a favour (yes, it’s spelled with an -our ending people; I speak English, not American and the English ending is -our!), because I’d be “SOL” depending on her.  She’s something special I tell you…and yes, I use the word special very loosely to describe someone not altogether…

Our typical conversations are via BBM/Google Chat/text message therefore are limited to short messages making plans to get together, exchanging a quick joke or comment about something, or asking a question.  Outside of the first example (making plans), responses to any other message are far and few between, if received at all. 

“Well maybe she’s busy.” --> Oh, you know, I never thought of that Sherlock.  Of course I recognize she very well might be busy...go sit in the corner for that seemingly smart, although silly, thought! 

“Well, maybe she just doesn’t want to be bothered by you.”  --> Really?!? Wouldn’t be the first female that felt that way (I have what you call a love/hate relationship with certain females…either they love me, or they don’t feel me, you feel me?)  That’s not the issue here and you’ll see that in a second.

“Well, maybe it just slips her mind because she gets caught up doing something and forgets to respond.”  --> Now, that might be the case BUT…

You would then expect a follow up or a response at a later time, correct?  (Rhetorical…the answer is yes)  So would I…and yet it doesn’t happen.  Not only do I not get a response to my initial message, she’ll compound the crime by sending a random message hours or days later, using the same mode of communication, saying something like, “Hey…Are you free for a movie tonight?” or “Lunch this afternoon?”  completely disregarding any message(s) previously sent with not so much as an attempt to at least segue into the new conversation first addressing (or apologizing for) the delayed response, provide a response, and then proceed to the new topic at hand. 

I’m ashamed to say, I would generally accept either invite (yeah, I’m shaking my head at myself too), disregard the infraction and keep it moving.  Then I started to take note of the aggressiveness by which some of her random messages came eventually seeing a pattern.  When she wanted to converse or do something, please believe my BBM/Google Chat would be blown up, sometimes even followed up with a call (or calls) AND a voicemail in the span of an hour.  Don’t let me take a few minutes to respond either.   That just causes a “You there?” or “Hello?” as if she’s annoyed I’m not sitting by the phone waiting to respond to her message.  The nerve of her right?!?  Same thing I thought!

So of course I step out of myself and say, “Self…are you being a little harsh?” to which self responds, “Maybe”.  I then say, “Self, that’s just her so don’t hold it against her” to which self responds, “True”, and I let it go.  Recently though, I’ve grown frustrated and refuse to accept that as an excuse.  Why?  Because “Excuses are monuments to nothingness”!  The last follow-up random message I received, I deleted and didn’t bother responding.  I thought about waiting a few days, doing something in similar fashion and sending a random message, but I couldn’t be bothered with that foolishness.

Common sense and common courtesies need to get back to simply being commonplace.  Yes, it’s a particular pet peeve of mine so I may very well be slightly anal as compared to others.  However, not recognizing it, or my needing to dumb it down gives me pause and makes me question if I even need you in my circle at all.  It’s that exact type of inconsistent or inconsiderate person that will fail you, so thanks but no thanks.  I should have listened to Mike, Ronnie, and Ricky a long time ago when they said, “Never trust a big butt and a smile…that girl is poison.”

In all seriousness, atop my list of pet peeves (I’m not suggesting the young lady above fits all of the following), are inconsistent, inconsiderate, incompetent, and ignorant individuals.  They get under my skin causing me to yell…

…SERENITY NOW!!!

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‡: Notice the response prior to providing any detail or even a timeline for payment.