Miss Maturity...

“Girls mature faster than boys” – Unknown

I haven’t the slightest clue who originally made that claim, nor am I going to waste my time on Google or Bing trying to figure it out.  However, what I do know with certainty is, that statement was first perpetuated by a feminist named Fran trying to brainwash her unsuspecting daughter. 

This is exactly how it happened --> Little Susie adored young Michael.  Young Michael, however, was not very fond of little Susie and thought her glasses and barrettes made her look like a nerd. One day, while young Michael and his friends were playing by the sandbox during recess, little Susie marched boldly up to young Michael (because her friends double dared her to) and planted a big kiss on young Michael’s cheek.  Young Michael was fuming as his friends were laughing and chanting, “Eiwww, you have coooooties!!!”  So, young Michael pushed little Susie into the sandbox and started kicking sand on her.  Little Susie got up crying and ran home.  In an attempt to console her, little Susie’s feminist mother Fran says, “Don’t cry sweetie.  Michael’s just acting that way because he likes you. Boys do that because they’re immature.  Give him a few years since ‘girls mature faster than boys’.  He’ll come around soon enough.”  Little Susie was beyond confused but implicitly trusted feminist Fran and lived the rest of her adolescent days repeating the mantra thereby perpetrating the propaganda.

That’s ALL it is…PROPAGANDA! 

I mean, what is that statement based on?   What evidence supports that hypothesis; a few scientific studies purporting girls start puberty earlier than boys?  Whooptee do da day!  Science also teaches humans evolved from apes.  Now I’ve been called many things from the son of Sam to a son of a **– go wash your mouth out with soap for swearing – but a descendent of an ape?!? No ma’am!  No sir! THAT, I will NOT accept!  You can take your scientific studies and…

Serenity Now!

Even if I take that whole ‘girls hitting puberty before boys’ concept seriously, all that proves is girls start puberty before boys.  And?!?  I knew a girl during college who started before I did, sophomore three years ain’t picked a career, she said f--- it I’ll just stay down here. 

Okay, fine…maybe I didn’t know a girl like that but Kanye sure did and right now My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is the TRUTH!!!

 Let me stay on track and get to my point while you’re over there shaking your head at me like I can’t see you…I see you!

Starting something earlier or first has no correlation to maturity.  Maturity (<-- click on the link to go to dictionary.com since you’re going to act like I’m making this up) is defined as full development; perfected condition: maturity of judgment.  Therefore, just because a little girl can point to mother nature starting her monthly visits well before her counterpart’s voice gets a little added bass, that doesn’t mean she’s mature, or of full development.

But that’s neither here nor there…so where is it?  Who knows!  But, in my humble opinion, I would actually argue that females don’t mature quite as fast as feminist Fran would have them believe.  When you peel away the layers of propaganda, I think men and women are generally on par.  That’s about as politically correct as I’m going to be…ever! 

In truth, and based on my experiences, I actually think some women mature like they “got molasses in they a—es” (that means slow people…step up your country grammar). 

You already know I’m going to tell you about my experiences so here we go.

Last week I was chillin’ with my boy Tyrone on the West side of Chicago politicking about females and how the game ain’t the same no more.  Tyrone talked about his boy Marcus who dated this funkadelic singer chick who lived in the burbs. The chick kicked Marcus out her house and wouldn’t let him use her phone to call Tyrone for a ride.  This is exactly why you do NOT date chicks named Erykah! I’m just saying…

Okay, I’m lying.  You already know ‘you ain’t finna catch me on the West or South side of Chicago unless absolutely necessary!’  Call me a punk if you want to…oh well!  I spent most of my life in Canada and went to college in Huntsville, AL (that’s where I picked up my country grammar); I’m not hard nor do I pretend to be.  “I ain’t a thug, how much Tupac in you, you got?”

Where was I?  Ah, yes!  Females and their apparent maturity…

There are a handful of females I keep in touch with, whom at some point, many moons ago, we entertained the possibility of a relationship and dated for a short while.  For one reason or another, we grew apart and abandoned course.  Yet we maintained some level of communication, speaking infrequently and often times joking about why we didn’t last.  Three reasons I’ve been told are:

1.       “I want someone I can go to the club with, let loose, and just have fun with”;

2.       “You’re too serious and are always working”;

3.       “You’re too mature and it intimidates me. I don’t know how to explain it.”

<<push pause>> Honestly (as if I’m going to be anything but honest), those are the stupidest excuses I’ve ever heard!  

Okay, <<push play>>.

Although we kept in touch, most of our conversations were short and sweet (i.e. “How are you? How’s life?  What’s new?”), until very recently.  I’m not sure if there was a lining up of the cosmos or a secret underground meeting of maidens where a directive instructed one and all to beguile me into a relationship, but I kid you not, within one week of each other, multiple females made reference to reuniting.  It was ridiculous!  Three stand out simply because if this were six years ago, I would seriously entertain a relationship with any one of them.  Better late than never right?  Wrong!  The young ladies, guilty of one of the ridiculous reasons above, went on their way, found the fun frat fellow to frolic with, loved the laid back lad, and idolized the immature idiot.  Years later, with emotional baggage in one hand and child(ren) in the other, one by one each is trying to declare their undying desire. No bueno!!! (You didn’t know I speaka Spanish did you? Si!)

Even taking into consideration the differences in age (~2 – 5 years), the expectation is, at the very least, our maturity levels be on par, correct? Not even close.

Granted, my experience very well might be different from yours but seeing as this is my blog and you’re still reading, I think it’s safe to say we’re not really concerned about your experience.  Right? Right! 

I’m chuckling now, but I laughed a few weeks ago when one young lady sent a message proposing we get married because she undoubtedly knew we loved each other.  I laughed to myself and thought, “What makes her think I want that lad’s leftovers?”  But no worries, I bit my tongue and didn’t actually say that.  Instead, I playfully poked fun at her empty promises and changed the subject.

Nonetheless, its similar situations that cause me to scoff at the silly statement that girls mature faster than boys. 

It’s a conspiracy I tell you… C-O-N-spiracy!

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