I Indulge...

…indeed I do!

Let me take a step back and preface this revelation by informing you, I’m what you call a creature of habit meaning I do certain things a certain way, all the time.  Care for some examples?  Why certainly:

1.        When I walk into my apartment, I reach to the right for the switch on the wall flush with the door, to turn on the light which illuminates only the doorway area.  I then take two steps forward and a ½ step to the left to get to the wall perpendicular to the wall the front door is on, to turn on the light that illuminates the kitchen.  Turning 180 degrees, I’ll take two steps forward and a ½ step to the left to turn off the light I originally turned on.  Another 180 degree turn and two steps forward, I’ll stand near the edge of the kitchen counter reading any mail I received.  Once finished, I’ll reach to my right and pick up a glass from the dish rack (or above my head if I actually put my dishes away that morning), walk to the fridge to pour myself a glass of juice/water.  Thirst now quenched, “Aaaah”, I’ll put the empty glass in the fridge so it remains cold for later in the evening when I’m thirsty yet again. Why?  Because…

2.       Walking through my bedroom’s walk-in closet, you enter my bathroom where there’s a light switch to the right of the doorway.  There’s another light switch about 45 degrees and a few feet to the left where a doorway allows you to exit into the hallway. Regardless which doorway I exit, the original switch I turned on is the one I’ll turn off because I don’t like light switches in the wrong position (Correct position --> up = on / down = off).  So basically, if I enter the bathroom through the closet and I want to exit into the hallway, I’ll use the switch near the closet to turn the light off (down) and walk the few steps in the dark to the other doorway instead of just using the switch near the hallway entrance/exit which would cause that switch to be in the wrong position.  No, no, no!!! That’s NOT obsessive compulsive or anal; it’s a habit because when I walk into the bathroom, without thinking, I always make a motion to flick the switch ‘up’, so when it’s already in the on position, I have to expend extra energy to turn it on by pushing down and then am forced to make a conscious effort to remember to go to the other light switch to switch it off (down) so that all switches are reset and in the off (down) position.  Wasted energy!  Why does that even matter? Because…

…actually, I didn’t realize how much it annoyed me (since I follow the protocol above) until a young lady spent a few nights.  Each morning, I noticed the switches were all switched around.  Knowing you can’t just accuse a woman of something without proof since she’ll argue you to hell and beyond when she knows FULL well she’s wrong, I decided to pay close attention. One morning I watched as she entered the bathroom (silhouette sliding seductively through the room and closet, similar to the sexy stroll women who know you’re watching them from behind do) exiting into the hallway.  I marched into the bathroom once I heard her in the hallway, looked at the switch and “AHA!!!”, lo’ and behold she was the culprit!!!  I jokingly (there’s 70% truth in most joke…or so they say although I’ve never met “they” to ask why 70%) muttered, so she could clearly hear, something along the lines of, “Aaargh, so you’re the one messing up the light switches!”  She looked at me, not with her typical beautiful bedroom eyes, but with a look of ‘Are you serious right now?’  You doggone right I’m serious!  I tried to explain why it annoyed me but she just shook her head. 

Do you know what this female friggin’ did to further frustrate the flying frog freulin out of me?!?  Just guess what she did!  She purposely did the EXACT same thing the next morning!  Aaargh!!!  I’ll have you know she’s no longer spending nights over and you want to know why?  “Look <in>to the liiiiiiiight…” (I’m joking...goodness, you folks take things too seriously…lighten up…pun intended).

3.       For the past 10 out of 13 working days, I’ve gone to the café at the client location for lunch, stood in line, ordered chicken stir fry (w/ spinach, carrots, broccoli, asparagus, red onions and bell peppers), sautéed in chili sauce with a touch of garlic and ginger added, on a bed of white rice to go^‡.  Why have I placed the exact same order? Because…

^‡ In the interest of full disclosure, the three days I didn’t place my regular order, I went out to lunch with a partner one day and my team ordered pizza the other two days (free food being the only circumstance I’ll partake in pizza).  If I don’t like pizza, why would I eat it?  It’s free and any dimwit knows free is cheaper than $6.11…duh?!?

A co-worker noticed the latter situation and jokingly (Mmm hmm…I know the truth behind jokes) made the statement, “You’re really indulging in that stir fry aren’t you?”  I chuckled and responded, “Indeed I am.”

And why shouldn’t I?  I’m a lover of great food and when I come across a meal that tantalizes my taste buds, trying it today, tomorrow, Tuesdays or ten out of thirteen days till I want no more, this is what I do!  You can think I’m crazy if you want but I have what I call a refined palate only pleasured by particular entrees, hence the habitual tendency which I’m not ashamed of in the least.

This tendency, however, poses a quandary in that not only will I order the same meal at certain restaurants; I can only attend specific restaurants with one (two at a maximum) individual(s).  I’ll show you what I mean:

1              +             A             =             1A

2              +             B             =             2B

3              +             C             =             3C

1, 2, and 3 represent specific restaurants while A, B, and C represent dining companions.  The ideal pairing is then 1A, 2B, and 3C.  Therefore, mixing up the mealtime marriage (i.e. 3A or 1B) yields a less than optimal, often times disastrous, experience.  I realize the quality of the food doesn’t change based on who joins me, however, the dining dynamic is dramatically different.  And yes, as is the case in <holy> matrimony, I believe in monogamy meaning no moonlighting with mistresses. 

But seeing as the divorce rate hovers around 50% in ‘merica because the women decide to offer one of these responses:  1) “I’m too busy…”, 2) “Sorry, I’m not in the mood for that…right now”, or “Maybe next week…”, don’t judge me for stepping out momentarily for a meaningless meal with mistresses man!   

I indulge…indeed I do.  But I embrace my quark…as should you.

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